Question by Suspend me PLEASE: Should I be concerned for this new mum?
I’m a volunteer for a major Australian charity. We go to homes where new mums are struggling with the change motherhood brings. We dont have the obligations employees who work with children have to report any behaviour we are concerned about but I wonder if I should direct her anywhere.
Now I have a situation that I cannot relate to from my own experience but that does not mean it may not be normal. This is where you come in – what do you think?
I visit a very happy mother with a very happy baby. She has been with her supportive husband for a few years but as he is of Italian descent and very rigid in what he believes what his gender is responsible for – he believes everything to do with the baby is a female’s responsibility and although his wife doesn’t like this, it doesn’t seem to bother her too much
She has been informed by mothercraft nurses to put everything into milton solution and anything left to dry on a towel could get infected with bacteria on her benchtop (the nurses told her that they can walk from one part of the bench to another) so I have noticed that when she is sterilising equipment she spends about 2 hours doing it.
She also washes her hands after folding clean laundry. She washes her hands before touching the baby even if she has JUST washed her hands and touches a door knob. She has antibacterial gel all around her house and insists everyone uses it (I respect this).
She hasn’t slept in 4 months properly – only have 3-4 hours of broken sleep each night. She worries about SIDS constantly and stays up watching her baby girl.
She is breastfeeding
She is 29 years of age
She has been in a stable relationship for about 10 years (give or take)
She was a white collar managerial worker prior to having a baby
This is her first baby
She lives away from family and friends
She appears to be very happy
The conceived the baby within the first month of trying
She has no experience with other children
Now remember I’m just a volunteer trying to help her. Anyone felt such anxiety about the well being of their baby to go to such lengths. Is it normal or should I be recommending her to someone?
The signs of postnatal depression DO NOT appear to be there…
Best answer:
Answer by ninjajenny
This sounds to me like its very close to OCD. I would say direct her to someone that can help her with her disorder. Its almost bad to not let your baby come into contact with ANY germs… How will the immune system develop properly?
I don’t know if the wipes commercial where the mother puts her son in a bubble is on tv where you reside… but this reminds me of this…. You can’t have your child in a bubble for the rest of their lives… they are bound to get dirty and come into contact with germs eventually…. and she cant watch the child 100% of the time… especially when the child is in school…… and when they do they have to have built an immune system to properly fight it.
I was kinda the same with SIDS, but I forced myself to get over it and just let him sleep…. otherwise that will also create bad sleep habits. Its very important she gets the help she needs.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
7 Responses to “Q&A: Should I be concerned for this new mum?”
Are your POSITIVE about the postnatal depression? She can be hiding it.
I washed my hands a lot w/ my baby and was fearful of SIDS..I think most new moms are this way but she sounds like she is being obsessive about it…very obsessive. Can you maybe talk to her more in private? I mean she’s not being a bad mother or anything but she might just need a little help (from a doctor ) especially w/ no help from her ( sorry to say but LOSER husband ) stress can take a toll on her.
I think it is fine what she is doing. What the heck is wrong with that? I gave my self horrible rashes after both of my kids becasue i washed sooooo much so not to have nasty on my baby and i wish sometimes i could have locked the door to company becasue they think its no big deal and just use some sanitizer gel instead of washing germs down and dirt down the sink. Urghhh people dont understand that motherly instinct is stronger in some than others. Thats not saying we arent over protective but not that sum mums could kick it up a gear too. Especially with first babies it is harder. Im proud of her for spending extra time to make her baby a clean environment. In america days after newborns are born to yrs of their life….they have snotty noses running down their face becasue their mums arent as protective as others. That being said the child will be exposed to germs no matter how much you try to not let them get sick, they will at some point or another and it builds up immunity. But do not make her uncomfortable. There is no reason to.
Sounds like OCD to me I have OCD and one of the symptoms that I have is washing my hands constantly and worry way too much.Really, she can’t help it.A simple “don’t worry” doesn’t exist in our vocab.Our brains are wired differently so worrying is as common as wiping our asses lol. (granted she has OCD)
OCD is VERY annoying (normal worries are overly exaggerated in our brains) but not harmful.You can suggest a therapist but don’t force the issue.I personally don’t see one because it has never helped with me in the past (although some others benefit greatly) and I am against medication so I take the natural approach to it.
Also, let her know to NOT use anti bacterial wipes or soaps unless absolutely necessary.They can cause the bacteria the product doesn’t kill to become resistant.
For a mom who has never been around other children and has only the advice of the nurses to go off of. I would not worry about recommending her to a professional put if there is a mom group in the area that she could talk with other moms and get out of the house for a little while. possibly if you have another visit with her take her some information on how children need to be exposed to some germs to develop immunities to them. P.S. I am the oldest child of a family of 10, was a professional nanny for 5 years and a mom of 2.
If she is very happy there is no problem. The fact she is washing her hands alot does not mean the child is in danger which is the only time you would need to worry.
ok the signs of depression are there, u need to really talk to her, not let her think to u shes ok. ive been there and done it
She seems very compulsive. I’m this way but not with washing hands. I check the door to see if it’s locked over and over. I check the stove to make sure I turned it off several times and I check to make sure I’ve unplugged my hairdryer and hair straightener several times. I do this when I know good and well I already took care of it. I do this rather I’m happy or depressed but it does seem to get much worse when I’m down.
I don’t think it will have an extreme effect on her child. I think it’s a form of nervousness which she would probably need a lot of counseling to help her. You may want to suggest it but I don’t know how she would take it. For me, it’s embarrasing when people have noticed my strange habits. This could actually make her a more attentive mother. I would just show your support to her. I don’t know if she would ever be able to change this.